Something which I feel most bloggers experience at one point or another, and certainly a read through other blogger’s blogs would seem to confirm this, is writer’s block.
So here I am, having not posted anything on this blog since April, sat in my study, coffee to one side and keyboard in front of me determined to reach out ‘beyond the block‘ which has been oppressing me of late.
“Oppressing me of late“. Now there’s an interesting way of putting it, isn’t it? Webster’s offers a number of different definitions of the word ‘oppression’, one of which being – “A sense of being weighed down in body or mind.” and certainly that definition would seem very apt for what I have been feeling of late. (Although I personally, as a Christian, would want to add to that definition, but more of that later.)
This blog (like so many of the blogs which I read) focusses on Mental Health and is a way of my sharing my experiences with my mental health in the hope of; a) understanding my mental health more and b) helping others to understand mental health more. Mental health which can, let’s be clear about this, present the sufferer with a whole plethora of different experiences and of different highs and lows.
So when a mental health writer (such as I) experiences what many writers would simply consider or label “Writer’s Block” it is important, I feel, to look beyond that ‘block’ and to consider both where that block came from and indeed, what it signifies or indicates.
You see, something which I personally have come to realise, and something which we all (in my opinion would be wise to consider when such blocks appear) is that it is possible that something has happened which has forced or lured us into a state of relative autopilot.
That state of life where we ‘exist’ more than ‘live’. Where we simply go from; task to task, chore to chore, obligation to obligation. routine to routine.
And please understand that I say this not with a sense of defeatism, but with a sense of awakening and of commitment and determination.
For me personally, a number of factors seem to have contributed to this oppression and therefore simply engaging my ‘autopilot’. My physical health is without doubt one of the largest factors, but also personal relationships and financial concerns seem to be contributory factors. And all of these seem to impact each other – at least in my own experience.
And truly I do understand the engaging of autopilot in an attempt to stop or at very least to slow down that crippling ‘free fall’ that so many of us have experienced.
And I am also convinced that all it inevitably does – if we are not mindful of it and if we do not take measures to disengage it an to come out of it – is cripple and imprison us.
Doing so in such an often subtle and debilitating way, that the longer we are in this state the more damage is being done beyond our awareness and thus the harder it is to get out of it.
Which I think brings me back to that original definition of oppression which I mentioned and to the fact that I personally, as a Christian, would want to add to it.
You see, I am convinced that there is also a spiritual aspect to it all. That the definition should not only be, “A sense of being weighed down in body or mind.” but more completely be “”A sense of being weighed down in body or mind or spirit.”
For me personally, my faith is central to who I am and crucial to me. And even in this I seem to have been gone into ‘autopilot’ as the factors I mentioned above and also everyday pressures of life seem to have taken their toll.
But who says we have to ‘free fall’ in such situations? Who says we have to be crippled and imprisoned?
The past? The lies we have bought into and which were introduced way back when and which were then reinforced by our damaged and corrupted self-image and by a world which is as self-centred and uncaring as it seems intent to be?
What is to stop us soaring? What is to stop us climbing up on the very block which is designed to oppress us and keep us down and launching ourselves into a new more determined future?
So yes, I recognise ‘the block’ which has kept me down of late, but I refuse to take ownership of it or to simply exist within it. And I am determined to reach out and claim back my life beyond it and to rise above it all.