Tags

, , , ,

kevinbykevinHe sits.  Not doing anything in particular and in fact particularly doing nothing.

That weird, inexplicable nothing which seems to consume time, simply regurgitating a world of emptiness in it’s place.

As if all the personal loans of purpose and direction have been consolidated into one more manageable loan of nothingness with periodic repayments of yearning.

And yet still the salesmen and saleswomen call, suggesting that he switches from his current plan to one with ‘greater benefits’ or ‘easier control’.

Some call with sincere care and a heartfelt belief that their plan, their world, offers more.  And yet do they really understand, can they understand, that his world is not one which he wants to live in but one he can’t yet escape?

Border Control1But then that’s the thing isn’t it? The difference in worlds.  His world and theirs.

He doesn’t doubt their sincerity, nor even their caring and their love.

But caring and love belong in their world and seem exiled from his. At least right now, at least for the time being.

And caring and love are not – perhaps they need to remember – the visa which affords them right of entry into his world.  They are but the application which might yet gain them that re-entry into  his world or even – could it possibly be? – his re-entry into theirs.

And what of the journey?  His journey?  Perhaps, just perhaps, there is a reason for his being where he is right now.

Perhaps, right now, he can’t face, can’t handle their world?  Except perhaps for occasional forays.  Short visits, investigative trips.  Errands and peregrinations of duty and obligation.

But what if this world, right now, is where he is meant to be?  Perhaps there is some hidden reason, some hidden purpose for his captivity here?  Perhaps some lesson to learn, some destination he is meant to find before he can truly leave.  Before he can truly settle on an exit plan?

And what if that is the case?  Who’s need is greater?  Their need to rescue him from that world? Or his to journey through it and to determine his own port of exit from it?

See that’s the thing about caring – within the nobility of love don’t we also have to recognise our own need to give it? To show that love?  Truly noble, truly selfless acts are so rare are they not?

True selflessness does not come from the need to reach out.  Nor does it come from the need to isolate.  For, either way, it does not come from the need to protect or be protected.  Any more than the need to do good works comes from the need to show God we love Him.  It flows from the very centre of who we are and is a natural [even supernatural] (needless, and thoughtless) response to who we are in Him.

So he sits. Not doing anything in particular and in fact particularly doing nothing.

That weird, inexplicable nothing which seems to consume time, simply regurgitating a world of emptiness in it’s place.

Yes, right now he is lost. Lost within that world.  And yet what is his real need right now?  Salesmen and women to call suggesting that he switches from his current plan to one with ‘greater benefits’ or ‘easier control’?  Or someone who will simply sit with him and love him in the silence, someone who will show him it is ok to hurt, ok to struggle, ok to look up and believe.

Yes.  Ok to look up and to dare to see the Father’s tears.  And even dare to believe, yes perhaps even to believe that some, just some, of those tears could actually be for him.

And within that realisation to release the healings which have to, just have to, be held within them.

And who knows, perhaps to even give himself permission to free his own tears?

 

 

 

 

Advertisements