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Like most folk who suffer from poor mental health I do my best to keep control of my mental health and how it effects both myself and indirectly therefore others. And for the best part I think I actually manage this quite well.

Of course I could always be deluding myself and since that is one of the symptoms of my condition I have to be open to the possibility that I am.  But hopefully, and I really don’t think that it is, that is not the case.

I think a lot of us try to control our mental health and additionally a lot of us find some situations harder to deal with than others in this respect

4818521_origFor me personally one of the hardest situations to handle, and I doubt I am alone in this, is where the situation outside my head is so similar as to almost mirror or echo the situation inside my head.

Does anyone else struggle with this?

It is like I know that the situation inside my head is not real or is negative and unhealthy and I can cope with that.  But when the situation outside my head mirrors that inside my head it gives the situation inside my head life, substance, credibility somehow.  And that requires a whole different level of coping.

Of course folk seldom, if ever, know of what is going on inside your head and so how can they avoid sometimes mirroring or echoing it?  So in the calm, in the rational, I tend not to blame folk when this happens.  But there is that time immediately before the calm, before the rational.  That point of explosion.  That point where the realization that outside and in are both the same and that can be so very scary.

schizophrenia2I personally believe that is why it is so important for us to be open and honest with those around us the most.  To share with them just some of what is going on inside our heads.

To be candid about way different situations and circumstances make us feel.

And yet the requires us to open up doesn’t it?  And opening up can feel like superman advertizing how he is vulnerable to kryptonite.  It means allowing others to know, at least in part, our weaknesses.

superman-and-kryptoniteBut then isn’t that part of love?  Trusting those who love you not to use that weakness against you?

As a parent I want to trust and to open up to those who are closest to me.  As a Christian I want the same for my brothers and sisters in Christ.  The words of 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 spring so readily to mind here.

anna-quach-love-is-patient“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

“It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”

I need to trust more and to share more.  I need to hope more that others won’t use my own personal kryptonite against me.  And I need to persevere when this occasionally happens 🙂  After all, we are all flawed in one way or another aren’t we?  We all make mistakes don’t we?

So that is my challenge to myself today.  To, within reason, be more open with those who love me about what is going on inside my head and to try to love more of the 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 love.