, ,

Day 17 in my 30 Day Challenge and I have to tell you that I have been so very touched by the comments and encouragements that I have received in response to the posts that I have done in this challenge. So thank you so very much for that 🙂 I have to tell you that it does a soul good to receive such positive comments although in part I feel so bad about not commenting more on other blogger’s posts. My health does mean I get so very tired and sitting at the desk in my study really tires me out so sometimes it is all I can do to post a post a day.

But please be assured that I do still read your posts when in bed but can’t comment as I read them on my phone or bedside laptop whilst laying down and typing is not possible when reclined. 🙂

So the above apology having been made, today’s subject/question is “Something that you are proud of?” and as you will see a little later in this post this is particularly relevant to the apology that I just made.

OK it’s confession time (I am sorely tempted to borrow Carla’s excellent “Friday Confessions” graphic but I won’t. So instead here is one adapted from one on Marriage Life)

My confession is that actually I really struggle with the whole being proud thing when it comes to myself as I simply don’t like to think about myself it that way.

Actually I really struggle when anyone pays me a positive comment, although I am getting a little better with this nowadays.

I just find them so very hard to accept and I feel so undeserving.

I am not really sure if this is down to childhood experiences or something to do with my mental health or if it is a combination of both.  What I do know is that it probably keeps me humble and I am extremely grateful for that.

That is not to say that the experience of being proud totally escapes me as some emotions do.  Far from it, it is just that instead of feeling pride over something I have done I often feel proud of the achievements in others and I take joy from what they have achieved.

My son Matthew is an excellent example of this.  I am so proud for him for what he has become and all that he does for others, not to mention what he does for me.

My daughter Nicky is another person I am so proud for.  She has turned her life around in so many ways and has achieved so much.

Janey, another of my daughters has faced so many adversities and let downs in her life and yet has maintained her faith throughout and regardless of it all.

In fact I am so very proud of all my kids and who they are.  They are so loving and so thoughtful and should be pleased with themselves.

So as you can see the feeling of ‘being proud’ is not alien to me it is just that I don’t focus on myself or my achievements.

And there are others who bring me joy and who (as weird as it may seem) I am proud for.  And that is most of the bloggers who write about their mental illness.

Why?  Because I know first hand some of the struggles that they go through and yet they keep going.

As I said in my apology above I do read a lot of blogs whilst I am in bed – albeit that I can’t actually comment when doing so and I notice the victories that are being won daily in the lives of some wonderful people.

I understand pain and I understand struggles and I understand anguish and just as when someone gets snippy or judgmental or critical of others it is truly a sad and often ugly thing, seeing the; love, the support, the encouragement and the resilience and determination that is so evident in the mental health blogging community is a beautiful and wonderful thing.

And I for one want to acknowledge that. 🙂

So there you have it, my answer to today’s challenge – I hope you enjoyed it and I hope you know how much I value and respect you. 🙂