Another day on my 30 Day Challenge and today (as the graphic indicates) is day 16 and the subject is “Something you always think “What if…” about?”
And after a few days of subjects that I really wasn’t into at least today’s subject is one that I have an interest in. 🙂
But it is a difficult question isn’t it? And in truth “What if’s” are something that I try to avoid.
You see I tend to post mortem everything. It is just something my brain does. I reply things over and over in my head unless I stop myself from doing it – which isn’t often very easy.
So when I have put a subject to rest I tend not to dredge it back up again. But I think we all have “what if?” moments in our life don’t we? I know that I do.
What if I didn’t have mental health issues?
What if I hadn’t of dropped out of school just because I was offered a job?
What if I had had a better relationship with my father?
What if I had gone into the clergy and become a priest or vicar?
What if I had had more biological children?
What if I hadn’t worked so many hours when in full time ministry?
What if I had not become physically ill?
What if I had published my books?
What if I had not moved to Ireland?
What if my marriage hadn’t failed?
What if? What If? What If?
I would be surprised if we couldn’t all make a list like the one I have just detailed above. But the question is, “Is this a helpful thing to do?”
Certainly I can look at the above list and see certain links there between some of those “What If?” questions. Items that link to and impacted other “What If” subjects. Especially the major ones like my mental and physical illnesses.
But is there (since the question was actually, “Something you always think “What if…” about?” one thing that I would choose over all of the others? One thing that I “always” think about?
Well strictly speaking the answer is no not “always” but if I had to choose one which I sometimes think about and possibly more than any of the others. It would be…
“What if I had gone into the clergy and become a priest or vicar?“
Actually I had. Some years before when I was still a very young Christian a couple of people from the church I attended at that time had come to me and told me that they felt led to tell me I should consider going to Bible college with a view to becoming a Pastor or Vicar.
But as I say I was a very young Christian at the time and prior to coming to Christ I ha done lots of things in my life which I wasn’t proud of. Now don’t get me wrong, I absolutely believe in 2 Corinthians 5:17 “17 Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!” (NIV) and did actually look into and elect a college.
But one of the things that I had done prior to coming to Christ was to rack up horrendous debts and I felt that since a man cannot serve two masters (Matthew 6:24) it would have been wrong to leave my work and go to college at that time.
Fast forward back to 1993 and I was married now and my (then) wife was dead set against the idea – not wanting to be a Vicar’s wife and all that that entailed.
In truth both way back in 86 and also in 93 I was in full time Christian ministry just not as a member of the clergy and in truth the same question, “Have you ever considered going to bible college with a view to taking up church ministry”, has surfaced a couple of time even more recently.
Was I meant to go to Bible college and to join full time church ministry? Did I deny Christ on those occasions? I can’t truthfully answer that with any confidence. But I do know this. God is our loving heavenly Father and he knew and knows my heart and my reasoning at that time.
I simply pray and stand on the confidence that had I denied Him, that He understands and has forgiven me 🙂
So there you have it, my one “Something you always (OK not always but maybe now and then) think “What if…” about?” answer.
I hope you enjoyed it 🙂