Tags
Christianity, Christianity and Depression, Christianity and Mental Health, Depression, Mental Health, Mental Illness
One of the biggest and most unappealing side-effects of some mental health related medication, in my opinion, is that it alters who you are – or at very least alters your ability to feel think and feel the way you are meant tor want to.
I believe that is a statement that a lot of folk would agree with.
You can quite simply lose yourself or at very least lose sight of yourself.
It’s a horrible feeling isn’t it?
Of course the counter argument is that if you suffer from depression or psychosis then you simply aren’t thinking or feeling how you are meant to in the first place.
I can understand that argument to a certain point. (Hm, does that mean my Aspergers is getting better? LOL) But the thing is that the meds just don’t seem to put me or my feelings or my thoughts back together again, they just put me into a different, possibly more manageable, state of different.
This morning I was listening to an excellent preach by Cathy, one of the pastor’s at the church I attend and in it she made the statements that integrity and character are so very important.
I couldn’t agree with her more! They truly are important aren’t they? But if the character you present isn’t truly you just an altered medicated form of you, what does that mean and what impact does it have on your integrity?
Please don’t get me wrong here! I am by no means advocating that we all stop taking our medication. I would consider such an action fool-hardy on the part of anyone doing so as a result of what I have just said, and irresponsible and dangerous on my part where it to come across as my suggesting such an action.
But I am saying that we should be careful and should have a say in what we take, when we take them and how they affect us. I am also clearly stating that, for me personally, losing myself – my character and even my integrity is too big a price to pay.
I love to help people. I love to draw, to paint and to sculpt. I love to write; blogs, articles, books, poetry. I love to sing and above all else I love to be able to worship.
I love to fellowship and to study and I love to share and have relationships with people and to do all these things honestly and openly, and I know that my mental health often impacts these.
The natural inhibitors that many people seem to have I struggle with and often have thoughts and can sometimes make statements that others find near the knuckle shall we say or even bordering on being slightly inappropriate. Nothing too bad, thankfully, but I do have to be very careful.
Thankfully, because integrity is important to me, as I believe it should be to everybody, I hold myself accountable for such things when I know that I have been able to do something to avoid them. And thankfully, those who know me well know that they are welcome to challenge me on such things, providing they do so in love.
But as much as my mental health can impact all of the things that I mentioned above as things I love doing, they have in the past been so very threatened and my ability to do them often removed by the meds that I have been meant to take.
And that is too high a price.
Do such meds have a place in our lives? Absolutely they do! I am convinced of that but we should I believe as adults, unless we are harmful to ourselves or others, be able to have a say, and the power to decide what we are taking, how much and how often.
Financial considerations, availability restraints as a result of Health Care or Insurance provider policies, and the pressure of ever increasing client loads may all reduce mental health practitioners’ willingness to listen and respond positively. I truly do understand that. But the fact is that these things should never be allowed to take away our voice or sentence us to inappropriate or ineffective medication.
Unless I am truly being harmful to myself or others then I don’t want to me a different state of me unless that different state of me is closer to the real me.
Hawkruh said:
Oh what a tangled web our lives of mental health, illness and recovery have become! It is all such a conundrum, separating the true self from the illness and the medicated one. I do agree that this is the self we should seek though. But WHO is that “me” that I seek? Not even I know who I am anymore.
boldkevin said:
Hey Hawkruh,
Many thanks for taking time to comment and good to hear from you again 🙂
Yes, sadly I think a lot of us can relate to that situation.
Hope you are well?
Kind Regards and God bless you.
Kevin.
Hawkruh said:
I’m in a situation where lack of insurance is forcing me to wean myself off of antidepressants and mood stabilizers. I may find out who I am in the midst of all this. Wish me well for it is a rocky road I tread! Thanks for the blessings – I need all the help I can get. God has been t here for me before, and perhaps this is a way in which He is there for me again. I’m apprehensive, to say the least, and hopeful for the best!
boldkevin said:
HI Hawkruh.
I am so very saddened to hear this. It must be so very difficult for you.
Please know that I will be including you in my prayers.
God bless you.
Kevin,
Hawkruh said:
Thanks Kevin 🙂
robin claire said:
Hi Kevin,
I liked this post. Very thoughtful comment on the difficulties of being “medicated”. I am a Christian with a mental issue – Schizo-Affective disorder that I have to be medicated for. Without the meds I would be locked up for good in a state hospital. I live with effects of meds myself in that my middle name if “forget”. My name if Robin Forget. Oh well, I guess it comes with the territory. I live with the forgetfulness and lean on my husband and mother-in-law to help me with it. God provides and He has provided for me these two, very sharp-minded people to help me.
Much much love to you in Christ,
robin forget claire
boldkevin said:
Hi Robin 🙂
I know only too well the whole issue of forgetfulness. I am no doctor and can only suggest things as an ‘end user’ so to speak but can I recommend that you speak to your doctor about your folic acid levels.
A doctor mentioned (during a casual conversation) the possibility that mine might be low and I had them checked and they certainly were and as a result I now take folic acid and my memory is improving as a result of it.
As a sharp-minded person prior to the memory issues I know only too well how debilitating it can be.
Kind Regards and God Bless you.
Kevin.
robin claire said:
Hi Kevin,
Thank you. Doctor or no doctor, I will start taking Folic Acid and see if it helps.
robin claire
Ellen Stockdale Wolfe said:
I am with you on this, Kevin. I have been on meds for 35 years. Yes, they do alter your personality and I think have made me less religious and more self-interested and less creative. But they kept me out of hospital and made me functional though I still cannot drive. To tell you the truth, I don’t know where the meds begin and I leave off. It has been too long. And I still have to fight mental health battles and mood changes. But, like you said, although making you less creative, they make you more productive with the little juice you’ve got and I have accomplished more in the second half of my life than I ever did in the first half. But it does dampen the creative side.
Most troubling is the religious loss. I have to fight to feel God now whereas it was effortless before. Maybe, thanks to you, I will talk to my doc about a switch. I have to say though, I have not been so floridly psychotic on the meds and that is a biggie.
Does any of this ring true for you?
Thanks for such a thought provoking post!
God bless you, Kevin,
Ellen
boldkevin said:
Hi Ellen 🙂
Good to hear from you 🙂
I think a lo of folk can relate to what we have both said in this regard.
Personally I can so very much understand your “less religious and more self-interested and less creative” statement and that for me is just to ig a price to pay and thankfully most of the time I am ok without taking such a high dose as recommended.
I so very much also understand your “But they kept me out of hospital and made me functional” comment although it is sad that you cannot drive.
That “To tell you the truth, I don’t know where the meds begin and I leave off.” statement is so very real and that again is a huge concern for me. I have to be honest with you, and I am sure this will come as not surprise to you as I have written about it many times before. I don’t remember y early childhood and remember having had mental health issues all my life, and which is me and which is the mental health or the meds is a huge question for me and sadly one I think I may never get an answer to.
What does sadden me greatly of course is your “Most troubling is the religious loss” observation and the fact that you “I have to fight to feel God now whereas it was effortless before.” Please know that I am so going to pray for you as I so believe everyone should have the freedom to worship.
In respect of changing your meds (and please excuse the terminology) but yes I would be cautious about changing and would be thinking is this a case of “better the devil you know than the devil you don’t”.
For me the point is not what meds you are one but what say you have in taking them and how informed folk are when being recommended them 🙂
So yes all of it ring very true to me and I am sure to others also.
Great to hear from you 🙂 I always enjoy your comments.
Kind Regards and God bless you
Kevin.