Well I am currently sat at Church typing this on my phone. So I apologize in advance for any typo’s. Small phone, big hands and fingers.
Well to be more accurate I am currently sat underneath the Church typing this on my phone. The Church (which is the body of believers and not the building they meet in.) meet (or come together) in an upper room. But of course in order to come together there must be some form of connection and this morning, for some unknown reason, I just don’t seem able to connect.
My heart, my spirit is troubled and I know not why. I am of course incredibly tired and that may well account for it in part. But my joy is gone and that disturbs me.
For a Christian, or so I believe, joy is not about being all happy clappy. And certainly not for a Christian such as I who suffers with depression and poor mental health. No, joy (or at least one aspect of it) is a deep assurance and inner peace that you are walking in God’s will for you.
I can’t say I have that at the moment and that troubles me. It has been like this for a few days and this in part is why I have not been blogging of late. Although I have also been very busy also.
But this is different. This morning not only am I missing my joy but I feel disconnected and my spirit is disturbed.
I need to pray. To seek God’s will. For when you sit with a group of fellow believers and feel so disconnected something is not right.
My heart and my faith tell me this. My head and my logic are more clinical and logical and remind me of my physical and mental health and that they may well be affecting me.
Time will no doubt tell and in the meantime I remain open to leading.