Growing up as a boy, which appeared to be a totally acceptable way to grow up since I was a boy, I of course had a media diet of action-packed, sports packed and crime-packed shows.
Of course in those days, things were more clearly defined. Goodies were good and wore white or carried badges, and baddies were bad and wore black and carried bags with ‘swag’ written on them. (Ok perhaps not the bag of swag part so much but you get the idea.)
Ah yes things were more clearly defined in those days. Good was good, bad was bad and there were far less grey areas in life.
Even in the crime shows the cops were good and robbers were bad and you seldom saw a cop being bad or even being considered bad.
Likewise when one of them messed up, crashed into a passing car during car chase, or reversed into something it wasn’t because the cop made a mistake it was because there was a ‘blind spot’.
And the same went for the Lone Ranger and Tonto, or for ‘Rocketman’ or ‘Superman’ or ‘Mighty Mouse’ or all the other heroes fed to me in my childhood. Whenever a baddie got the better of one of them it was usually ‘from behind’ or as a result of ‘a blind spot’ in their line of sight.
No way could it have been as a result of a mistake or some imperfection in our ‘heroes’.
Of course in real life no one is perfect and we all mess up from time to time don’t we? And likewise ‘blind spots’ are an everyday fact of life aren’t they? How many times have you been maneuvering your car or trying to parallel park or reverse into a space and been aware of a ‘blind spot’?
But then some ‘blind spots’ can be less obvious and far more serious can’t they?
What about the ‘blind spots’ we may have about our mental health? The things that others see but we just can’t seem to grasp or see for ourselves or even accept or see when they are pointed out?
I think there is a huge difference between being ‘in denial’ over something and ‘having a blind spot’ in respect of something, although I cannot help wondering if indeed an initial denial can lead to something becoming a ‘blind spot’? I am also wondering if repeatedly suppressing and emotion or thought can lead to such ‘blind spots’?
And I am seriously questioning whether my ‘isolation’ and my relative ease at being alone and isolated isn’t all part of this?
You see honesty, integrity, and respect are such important things to me and I really do try to be mindful of them in my everyday dealings with folk. (Yes I know sometimes I fail miserably in this, but I do try.) And so they must also be important in my dealings with myself.
I have often written about the isolation that I experience and indeed the fact that I just don’t experience loneliness other than perhaps once a year when my daughter has visited and then only for a short while after she has gone.
Emotionally it doesn’t seem to affect me at all. Mentally it doesn’t seem to bother me (although I am open to the suggestion that it might be having a subtle longer term effect) Physically it really doesn’t bother me – I am not very sexually minded/motivated and am physically so large and obese that on the rare occasions in which I do get a hug they often either confuse me or put me in mind of a leprechaun trying to death grip an elephant. Spiritually my isolation concerns me only to the extent that I wonder if it is really God’s will for me. And intellectually I ponder over the effect it is having on me.
I am neither agoraphobic, nor socially awkward, nor do I have any diagnosed or instantly obvious social anxiety disorder and actually usually have fun on the rare occasions when I do go out. But in terms of my isolation I have to tell you that I can sometimes go weeks without physically speaking to a single soul and on a normal 168 hour week would probably be in face to face contact with other people for a total of perhaps 6 hours.
Its a staggering statistic isn’t it? Of a normal 168 hour week I am probably physically alone for about 162 hours of it. And yet it only bothers me either intellectually or spiritually to the extent that I wonder if I am not seeing something here.
When looking for a picture which best represented my isolation I found this oil on board painting by Karen Thompson over on the Paintings I Love site.
Actually I really don’t think I will find the picture I want and don’t really have time to draw one at the moment so I will give up looking. But I did want to open this whole thing up on my blog and to invite your comments on my isolation ad whether you think this is a possible ‘blind spot’ or not.
As I said my isolation only bothers me to the extent that it really doesn’t bother me but wonder if it should and thus might be a ‘blind spot’.
And I want to invite you also to comment on any possible ‘blind spots’ that you may feel you have in your life as a result of your mental health.?