& M.E., Bipolar Disorder, CFIDS, CFS, Christianity and Depression, Christianity and Mental Health, Chronic Fatigue, Depression, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Obesity, Paranoid Schizophrenia, Personal Journal
I am mindful that I haven’t blogged anything since last Thursday and to be honest that has been because I am still shell-shocked by what I was told at the Hospital that day.
Those of you who have been following this blog and who have read the post “I Can’t Stand To Fly, I’m Not That Naive” will know that I got some very bleak news from the hospital. The truth is that it has come as a bit of a wake up call. Hopefully not too late!
I want to take this opportunity to thank all those who have sent me comments and messages and emails of support and best wishes.
The way I see it I either give in and just wait for the proposed hospital admission and subsequent surgeries or I start the fight for recovery right now. The latter of these options seems the better to me as, in truth, whilst I may be admitted to hospital next week or next month it could just as easily be 6 months or more away as so many factors are involved in this.
LOL the fact that I don’t seem to have much longer than 6 months according to what I am told seems not to be much of a factor in it all. So that is what I am going to do. Start the fight back to recovery now on the grounds that any improvement is better than none.
So this week sees the start of my positive action to beat my health problems. Truth is I should have done this years ago and the deeper truth i that I have done this many times over the past few years.
Living alone has so many benefits for me but I am not blind to the draw backs that also come with it. A lack of accountability is one of them, a lock of motivation is another.
With a family or a partner you have someone on tap who can be there for you when you need them. Someone to spur you on and encourage and motivate you. In truth I do not have that person and in truth I have yet to find anyone reliable enough to provide that support for me.
Many have claimed they will be there and yet have fallen by the wayside. I have hear all sorts of wonderful promises and yet they are all just empty words.
This is not sour grapes talking nor is it my having a pop at anyone. In truth why shouldn’t they have fallen by the wayside? Folk have their own lives and families and I accept that.
The plain simple truth is that I am, on a day to day basis, pretty much alone in this and I need to face that reality and incorporate it into my approach to things.
And incorporating that into my approach is essential if my approach is to be realistic. I will falter and at times I will fail but those times are not important – what is important is how i respond to them and how I pick myself up and carry on. My depression and mental illnesses will no doubt be a factor in all this but I have to be strong.
What is equally important is that I start on a sure footing and so that is what this week is all about for me. So here are the steps I am taking…
- Some months back I broke the mask on my CPAP machine and that has meant it hasn’t been functioning properly. Additionally, due to nightmares, about 2 months ago I got all caught up in the air hose in my sleep and pulled the machine onto the floor, rendering the humidifier part inactive. I have been in contact with the suppliers of the CPAP machine they have reprogrammed the humidifier part, increased the pressure and are sending me a new mask. This means that I will get more oxygen into my system thus increasing my energy levels.
- I have, thanks to the kindness of a dear friend, ordered a new book entitled, “Carbs & Cals & Protein and Fat” which will aid me in meal planning. The dietitian who is part of the team I saw Thursday showed me it and it really is an excellent and easy to use book.
- I have been measured up for a compression stocking for my swollen leg.
- I am working on a new meal plan which whilst increases the amount of times I eat, (I tend to only eat once a day and sometimes once every two or three days at the moment) will increase my metabolism and provide me with healthier food.
- I have, thanks to another dear friend, gotten access to an exercise bike and a ‘step’ which I can use and my son is arranging transport to bring them round to my house so I can make them a regular feature in my exercise plan.
- I am designing a new timetable which will not only include the new meal plan (taking breaks to eat more regularly but also affording me more structure to my day.
- I am going to, incorporate within my timetable a lot more – getting out of the house time – and hopefully a better sleep pattern having preset bed-times and waking times and trying to stick to them. The increased exercise and more defined structures to my day should aid in this.
- I am going take TJ my dog out for a walk every morning and every evening and I am delighted to be able to say I did both of those today and not just short little walks either! I actually managed long walks.
Here is the area I shall be walking around. I am walking around the outskirts of it. It may not seem much to some but when you are as morbidly obese as I am and suffer from the health conditions I suffer from it really is quite taxing. These photos were taken this morning when TJ and I went for a walk.
Just how successful I will be at this I am not sure but I do know that I am going to give it my best shot.
Earlier I made the statement that, “The plain simple truth is that I am, on a day to day basis, pretty much alone in this and I need to face that reality and incorporate it into my approach to things.”
I want to make it very clear here that I am talking about the fact that I am physically alone most of the time and that I am not discounting the verbal and prayer support that I have already received.
My new church, were very good and prayed with me on Sunday over this health scare and I am very grateful to them for that and the fact that some of the folk there have said they will continue to hold me in prayer. If you have a faith and would like to do that same I would very much appreciate it.
Prayer is such an important thing in life and I recognize that fact. I might be alone on a daily basis and physically and yes indeed this does make it tougher. BUT we are not just physical beings, we are also spiritual beings and I know that my Savour is also with me daily.
As a Christian it is sometimes a simple thing to dismiss the threat of death – 1 Corinth 15:55 “”Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?” (NIV) with the assurance of where we are going through Christ. But being a Christian is not only about eternity and what comes after life on this earth. It is also what we do whilst on this earth and I am convinced that He has a plan for me and that plan includes the here and now. 🙂