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….can have biggest of impacts!

It has ben a very strange weekend.

I woke up early on Saturday – having not slept at all really – and things did not look good at all.  Even the process of getting up was laborious and taxing and I recognized almost instantly that my CFIDS was kicking my butt once again.

Having been so ill for a weeks now, with whatever infection I had contracted this time around, I was hoping that my CFIDS would not ‘come a calling’ for a while.  But of course it did.

Actually the day turned out  to be one of both positives and negatives.

When you suffer from an illness like CFIDS (Chronic Fatigue Immune Dysfunction Syndrome) or CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) and you know that it is kicking your butt you have to exercise some caution and some sense.  You need to do things as and when you are able, knowing that quite probably you won’t be able to do them later on.

So in the morning I did a little blogging and then broke from it to go into town briefly around midday in order to get some provisions – thanks to my son being able to drive me in.

Coming home I managed to put those provisions away, prepare a meal to cook later and then finish the blog piece I was writing before then collapsing in an armchair and just resting up.

Later that afternoon a friend from church turned up with her kids and that really lifted my day 🙂 I enjoy good company and love those kids and so it was a delight to see them all.

As good as the visit from friends was, it also tired me out some and so I just rested up once they had left.

Actually I rested up for a good few hows and it was quite late before I could even consider going and turning on the stove in order to cook the meal I had prepared earlier.

Emotionally I was quite upbeat but physically I was drained and mentally I was on rocky ground.  I have been that way for a while now mentally.

Deciding that my meal would now be cooked I went and served it up, grabbed a glass of coke and made my way back to the armchair to eat.  (Often I will eat at the kitchen table but when my CFIDS is this bad even sitting at the table is too much for me and so the armchair was favourable.)

And then it happened.  Sitting eating my meal I reached for my glass of coke, lifted it and then immediately dropped it smashing the glass and spilling the coke all over the place.

This one simple accident crashed my mental health through the floor and I sat there like a quivering wreck.  Tears flowed and my appetite disappeared.  I was more despondent than I was frustrated and I just sat there not knowing what to do and not having the energy to do anything about it even if I had wanted to.

My son is a very active busy guy who does a lot for the local youth in this area and Saturday evening would not be a good time to call him so I just sat there known that I had to pull myself out of this somehow.

Experience has taught me that when my metal health goes off the rails like that I am sometimes able to prevent it from crashing even further (and even able to rescue it) if I distract it and try to refocus it on something.

I sent my niece a message on Viber to see how she was doing and soon learned from her hubby that she had gone into labour and was in hospital.  I was delighted!   This baby was so very important to them as a couple and has been the focus of many a prayer lately.

The news was enough to stop my mental health from crashing any further.  That particular niece is more like a daughter to me and I wanted to be able to be there for her and her hubby (albeit on the end of text messages).

4.16 Sunday morning baby was born (no name ahs been announced as yet)  a beautiful 7lbs 12 ounce boy and what is more baby, mother, and father are all fine 🙂

Yay!  Welcome to the world Grand Nephew!

Sunday (despite my tiredness and weakness) I managed to get to church in Wexford thanks to the help of a friend and even managed to spend the afternoon in fellowship. But had to come home relatively early as I had been having chest pains all day and needed to take some meds.  Not to mention the fact that I was fit to drop I was so weak and so tired.

The news of baby’s arrival and the ability to spend the morning in church and the afternoon and early evening in good company has lifted me mentally and I feel fairly stable again.

Even coming home, feeding the dog and wearily climbing into bed only to find that the television in bedroom had broken and wouldn’t even turn on wasn’t enough to detail my mental health again.  I simply played some music on my laptop and went to sleep.

The post I had written on Saturday (not the funny word one I had written previously in my drafts and published that day) but the one on not being too harsh or expecting too much from yourself, had been a timely post for me and a good reminder.

Today I know I am still a little fragile mentally but am determined to stay focussed and not be too critical of myself.  Four or five days ago (May 9th)  I wrote a piece on ‘Signs of things not being right‘ in which I recognized that things were not as good as I had thought they were in respect of my current or recent mental health.

I need to remember this and to recognize that I am still in that place and still coming out of that place and trying to improve things.  Having the right and a healthy perspective on things is important and I need to remember that and to see things clearly.

Today I am going to rest up some and to take things clearly and orderly.  This is my mental health and I have both the responsibility and the right to protect and improve it.  So the next few days are not just going to be about damage limitation they are going to be about recovery.