Instead of suddenly hitting you as the window flies open in a storm, it sneaks up on you like the temperature that drops as the fire that you are dozing in front of goes out.
Having not felt right physically for a few days I had put it down to my not yet having fully recovered from my last bout of illness (which was long enough in itself in my opinion).
And indeed that could be the case, it may still be the same episode and my body was trying to recover and winning the battle for a while but then started losing it again.
Poor mental health and mental illness can manifest itself like that sometimes can’t it? One day we are winning our fight with it and then we suddenly start losing the fight again for a while.
On top of all this my power-pack/charger for my main laptop broke yesterday. I was on the phone and heard a ‘pop’ and my electric tripped. When I reset the electrics and turned them all back on my main computer was only working by battery (which sadly didn’t last long.
Thanks to a friends help I have been able to order a new one but in the mean time am forced the use the older, much slower, less functioning and often freezing, laptop in my bedroom.
Hm now there’s a parallel for you. the faster, effective, high-functioning verses the much slower, less-effective, less functioning. Sounds like the two main states my mind has.
At first I was frustrated by the difference between the two laptops and the numerous limitations of this laptop but as the hours passed I have grown to appreciate what it can offer.
True it isn’t as fast or as effective as the other one and true I can do much less with it. BUT I can still do some things and even if those things take longer I can still do them.
Perhaps the lesson here is that although I often get very frustrated when my mind; slows up, becomes easily over-loaded, can do less, gets confused, and even sometimes seems to freeze-up, I still need to appreciate it for what it can do.
And that is the thing about adversity isn’t it? Often how we approach it is what is important.
So this morning, as I lay on my bed typing this, and trying to get better I have thought about adversity and I leave you with my thoughts on it and which I have just written in my personal journal…
Adversity is a guest which enters most of our lives from time to time and which needs no invitation, although nearly always accepting one when offered.
As it’s host we should offer it only the barest of hospitality, not seeking to feed it nor to encourage it to stay any longer than it has to.
We should welcome it only in the sense that it may have a purpose in being with us and in that same sense we should not show it resentment for its presence.
Instead we are better served by simply asking that whilst with us it shares whatever wisdom and lessons we can or are meant to learn from it.
Kevin A. Deane 19/04/2012