Bipolar Disorder, Childhood Memories, Christianity and Depression, Christianity and Mental Health, Depression, Distorted Perceptions, Faith, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Paranoid Schizophrenia, Personal Journal, Rejection, Relationships, Self-Doubt, Self-Harming, Self-Hatred, Self-Loathing
Well I am about 2 or 3 chapters away from finishing the current book and I have to admit that I am delighted that I have been able to start writing again.
This is book 9 in the series of books I have written for my kids and when I started writing this current book I realized that it has been some 5 years since I began it and then stopped writing as a result of my memory problems.
But it seems my memory is improving now and this book will be finished soon. So I am faced with the prospect of starting a new book. But the problem is that I have this unyielding compulsion to not start the next and possible final book in this series but to go in a completely different and new direction. To go, if you will, dark.
The current series of books, whilst dealing with some serious issues, is light and casual and is a christian series I have written for my kids and which started out as bed time stories.
But the next potential book – if I do give in to this compulsion and move away from this series for a while – will not be light nor Christian although I have no doubt it will have a faith-based theme running through it.
It will contain elements of my childhood and of my nightmares and could well be very close to home and very raw for me it I do give in and write it. I even have a working title for it.
As a child, growing up with it, it seemed as normal as bacon and eggs. But as an adult – looking back – I now see it very differently. I now understand how having a crow which told me father every last misdemeanor that I did and who was therefore partly responsible for the subsequent disciplining I received, has affected me.
But is it all still too raw? Too close? Too disturbing? Do I really want to put myself through trying to remember and thus in some ways reliving all that stuff?
I am just not sure.