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Today my mind is thinking about impressions and images.  About relationships and understandings, or the lack of them or the wrong understandings.  Misunderstandings if you will.

About how we see each other.

If you are looking for a good, light-hearted film which will make you laugh whilst also high-lighting some very real social issues then “Inside I’m Dancing” (Also latterly known as, or entitled in the USA I think as ‘Rory O’Shea Was Here’) is one that i would very much recommend.

I got it some years ago now and am more than happy it forms a part of my DVD collection.

But the real reason I like it so much, apart from the entire storyline, excellent humor and great fun factor, is that it I find it to be inspiring.

Set in Dublin here in the country I have grown to love and call home – Ireland – and focusing mainly on the lives and friendship of two lads who are disabled and the way they impact and challenge each other’s lives, it challenges me also.

My own disabilities are not so obvious but certainly they are there.  Some are physical and some mental and certainly they – especially the mental ones – which I try to hide as best I can sometimes get the better of me and become very visible and noticeable at times.

It is, in my experience, these times which often leave a lasting impression and which can seriously affect and even change our relationships with people isn’t it?  Trust me, even in a loving church who are aware that you have mental health difficulties, when those difficulties start showing themselves you might as well turned up to church naked.

Because it can feel like that can’t it?  When your all of a sudden the poor mental health you have ben trying to keep at bay or at very least keep controlled, becomes so very evident.

You can feel like you suddenly you have become naked and vulnerable and exposed.  Either when it happens or, if you have disconnected during it, immediately afterwards when you become aware of it.  How people react to it, how they let it affect their relationship with you can so seriously add to those feeling can’t it?

The thing is that my poor mental health and how it affects me are a part of me and I freely accept that BUT they are not all of me nor are they even the biggest part of me.

Even during those times, those times when my poor mental health and resultant struggles and difficulties and behaviour do appear to be the biggest part of me, I  am still me and I am still there somewhere behind the chaos and confusion or the blankness or the darkness that you first see.

And do you know what?

Somewhere deep down inside is the real me, the free me, the healed me.  And do you know what?  He is happy, he is carefree and he is able to be naked, to dance around naked and without a care in the world.

So to all those folk who have witnessed my bad times, and who mainly remember the chaos or the confusion or the blankness or the darkness which sometimes smothers or imprisons me.  Just remember this.

Inside I’m Dancing!

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