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Spending so much time in bed gives your mind time to think doesn’t it?  That is of course if the time in bed is waking time and not sleeping time.

Yesterday, part of that time was spent thinking about my own and other people’s different approaches and attitudes to medication.

Some of these approaches and attitudes I relate to so very much, others I see as being understandable and yet others I have to admit strike me as being a little cavalier even reckless.

I guess if I am honest I have a kind of BiPILLar Disorder often fluctuating from one extreme to the other in respect of the meds that I have to take.

Sometimes I recognize them for what they are – essential and liberating even and yet at other times I see them as anything but liberating.

And subsequently I therefore really resent them and loathe having to take the darn things and yes ( I will be honest here) even end up not taking them.

(LOL as you can see being in bed so much also gave me time to play with some graphics and animations)

Add to this the question of your acceptability and how people see you as being on and off your meds.

And let’s not fail to recognize the duplicitous nature of this.  “That can’t really be what I am like?” versus the “Well even if it is, don’t I have a right to be loved and accepted for who I truly am and not just the chemically altered version of me?”

The truth is of course that meds do have different functions.

Some of them I have to take, according to the specialists, in order to stay alive or to extend my life span.  (Which of course poses its own problems since often I am so depressed that extending my life span is counter-intuitive and this therefore affects my willingness to take those meds.)

Others – both physiologically and psychologically based medications – are designed to simply improve my quality of life.

Whilst yet others are intended not so much to improve my quality of life as they are to simply allow me to function.

Especially some of the psychologically based ones it  seems.  Without which my brain often doesn’t function anywhere near where I need to be and sometimes even seems to stall.

So on the face of it both physically and mentally these meds range from beneficial to essential and how good or bad I am about taking them really does affect me.

In fact I adapted these graphics into a chart that I am seriously thinking of printing off and placing on a t-shirt so that people can see where I am in respect of taking my meds.

The trouble is that I am meant to take a considerable amount of them every day and it gets so very tedious doesn’t it?

You get to feel that the constant need to take medication is somehow de-humanizing you or at very least making you somehow less-organic and that you are becoming just one collection of different medications.

This of course can feed into a desire to be well and healthy independent from or at very least less dependant on that medication.

And there is another consideration here isn’t there?…

The plain simple fact of the matter is that no matter how good or experienced our doctors or psychiatrists may be, when you consider such variables as…

  1. The level of demand being placed upon physical and mental health care professionals nowadays.
  2. The limited amount of time that they have available for each patient/client.
  3. The shere volume of different medications and pharmaceuticals out there.
  4. The differing physiology of each individual patient.

they can’t possibly fully know how these meds are affecting us.  So we feel justified in taking things into our own hands.  And after all isn’t it entirely right that we have a say in the management of our own medication?

But there within lies the problem I feel.

Do I agree that we should have that say in the management of our own medication?  Yes absolutely BUT [and like mine it is a very big BUT 🙂 ] that say must be both educated, informed and totally objective.

If we truly want a say in the management of our own medication, and I believe we should, all of the factors above – including our own tendencies, character quirks, likes, dislikes, mental conditions, weakness and even deluded thinking  – should, in my opinion, be taken into consideration not just the limitations of our psychiatrists and doctors and not just our desires.

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