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Don’t worry I am not turning all ‘Gangsta’ on you all, and actually when I say, ‘I is on the edge’ the ‘I’ is not referring to me.  Let me explain…

I wonder if you ever think about the whole subject of ‘Sanity versus Insanity’?  If so, I wonder what your understanding of sanity or indeed insanity is?

It is such a wide and emotive subject isn’t it?  One that can often ignite passionate debate and let’s be honest here aren’t there numerous definitions of both sanity and indeed insanity out there? Legal definitions, country based definitions, state based definitions, general definitions?

And how about perceptions?  What is the most common perception of someone who is ‘sane’ or someone who is ‘insane’?  Could they be that someone who is sane would be seen as being; ordinary, calm, casual, an everyday Jo/Joe with someone who is insane being some sort of; erratic, threatening, maniacal character?  Not healthy or accurate perceptions at all but I think quite common.

And how does a person change from being sane to being insane?  Sometimes, for some folk, or so it seems, it can be sudden, instant, whilst other times it seems to be a gradual, progressive thing.  Will it happen to me?  How will it happen?  Suddenly?  Gradually?  Will it ever happen to me?  Has it already begun and I just don’t know it?

Have you ever thought about this kind of stuff or is it just something specific and peculiar to me?

I guess for me personally the whole sanity versus  insanity consideration is resultant from my having  mental health issues and the fact that my mental health often deteriorates quite drastically.  Of course, I don’t think of sanity or indeed insanity in quite the same way as those perceptions that I mention above.  But how do I think of them?  How do I define them?  It is difficult, isn’t it?

In many ways I guess I see sanity as being like an island in the sky.

Something special, valuable, worth treasuring, unique to each person, worth sharing and nurturing and looking after but also something quite extraordinary and even quite fragile.

In this analogy insanity would be something that one can fall into if you lose your footing in sanity or indeed your sanity crumbles beneath you or develops a gaping great hole for some reason.  Or something you can fall into if for some reason you walk too close to the edge of sanity.

‘The edge of sanity’.  It is not an uncommon phrase is it?  Who or what is on the edge of sanity?

I is on the edge of sanity.  But not just I as in me, myself and I.  No, as I said before, I am not going all gangsta on you or losing my ability to write correctly.  No I in this context stands for Isolation.

I really am becoming increasingly convinced that Isolation – for me at least – is indeed at the very edge of sanity.

Now trust me if anyone understand the need to break away and have alone time now and then I do but too much of it is without doubt, at least for me personally a very dangerous and unhealthy thing.

Without regular social interaction, conversation, human contact, real tangible, personal even intimate contact it is so easy to lose your footing, your grounding and to free-fall into the depths – even ( I believe) into insanity.

The trouble is that I prefer the isolation.  I enjoy it and become (as Pink Floyd would have it) comfortably numb in it and that comfortable numbness is one of the biggest traps within it.

A few weeks back, my son and his partner moved back in with me whilst waiting to move into their new property and then last week my daughter Janey came to visit and is with me for another week.  These two things combined have made me so very much aware of just how isolated I had become and indeed just how dangerous that has been for me.

Sanity versus Insanity I – for Isolation is on the edge?  Absolutely and what is scary is isolation is where I have been living and it has already done untold damage.