It is past midnight and I am sat at my desk feeling like death warmed up and trying to struggle through.
In truth I really don’t feel like talking to anyone and so have not even turned on my Skype or Facebook chat or Google Talk or anything today. This is not so much a desire to isolate as it is a need not to connect. I am fairly sure that others who are reading this will be able to identify with both that “state” and that “statement”.
In fact I got up fairly early this morning despite feeling the way I did and again “tried to struggle through” and actually I did manage to do some light housework – dishes, laundry etc but was then forced back to bed as a result of being devoid of any energy.
Even when I got up this evening it was only to make it as far as the armchair and to stay there until now (other than frequent visits to the bathroom). As I am typing this my arms and muscles are aching and my eyes and head are so very heavy. These are all symptomatic of my Chronic Fatigue Syndrome and of depression both of which I am experiencing at the moment. Although the level of muscle aches would indicate CFS more than depression.
The frequent visits to the bathroom are as a result (I now know) of my blood glucose levels being ‘totally out of whack’ as my American friends would say and it is one of the things that seems to happen when I begin to crash like this. – Everything seems to impact each other in terms of my mental and physical health.
This can of course be overwhelming and I am at least fortunate in as much as my son and his partner are currently stopping with me and therefore able to look after me. I am going to go lay down and to try to rest some in order to be able to function at a level where I can at least achieve some things tomorrow.
Sadly this is not new to me but on the positive, because it is not new to me I am at least able to know how to deal with it 🙂