I have been struggling a little today.
It is strange but perhaps understandable that when it comes to writing on a mental-health related blog I am reluctant to say I am feeling depressed when that feeling of depression is not severe and only a ‘low mood’ or a ‘deep sadness’ really.
I mean so many folk, including myself, suffer from very real desperately deep depression and there is therefore the potential, I think, to convince yourself that your ‘low mood’ or ‘sadness’ is somehow unworthy of note or comment. But this would be very wrong would it not.
I have been toying with the idea of writing a post about relativity and how unhealthy even dangerous it can sometimes be to compare our own difficulties or suffering with that of others and as a result of that to lessen the relevance or importance of them.
The fact of the matter is that our difficulties and suffering are as personal to us as other people’s difficulties and suffering are to them.
One of my pet-peeves is when someone turns difficulties and suffering into a competition and has to make out or try to convince you that their suffering or their difficulties are much worse or even more serious or more worthy of comment or attention than yours. I am sure many of us have encountered folk like that. But I do find it so disheartening and so detrimental to healing.
It is just such a damaging thing to do and can lead folk with very real needs to stay quiet about them because they feel that either they themselves or their difficulties/struggles are so unworthy of help or mention.
Today I am struggling, I am depressed. Not deeply depressed, not depths of despair depressed – just very depressed. I woke up extremely tired and lethargic and I have struggled with it all day long. Additionally my thoughts have in so many ways been centered around my obesity and my struggle with that.
I feel, as I mentioned in my weight related blog, that I have all but given up in my fight to lose weight and that I am simply going through the motions.
How much this is effecting my mental health and indeed how much my mental health is effecting my fight to lose weight I just cannot say. The link between them is irrefutable but as to the causality aspects or level of impact of either I am just not sure.
Actually, the truth is that whilst I am suffering from this depression or low mood or deep sadness whatever you want to call it, I know that I can conquer this and that I will bounce back (at my size bouncing is fairly easy, it is stopping any bouncing that is potentially difficult). I of course have far less confidence when it comes to my fight with my morbid obesity which of course is one of the problems.
Tomorrow is, as they say, another day and so I am going to go to bed now and try to rest and to hope that tomorrow will see me wake in a better frame of mind and with more motivation. It is all too easy, is it not to look at our mental health in isolation from other difficulties that we suffer or experience but the fact is that they do so very often impact each other and we need to be aware of that.