Growing up in England and now living in Ireland I know ‘Krazy Glue’ as its more common name of ‘Super Glue’. But I have to admit that I much prefer the ‘Krazy Glue’ name – not least of all because I can replace the ‘K’ with a ‘C’ and use it as part of a title for a post and as a tongue-in-cheek explanation of what often happens after an episode like last night’s one.
Last night, as readers will no doubt have noticed, I had a manic episode. I had been feeling weird pretty much all day long and this all culminated in a fairly severe manic episode late last night. During a lull moment in all of this I decided – wisely or unwisely (that has yet to be determined) to journal what was happening here on this blog. Part of me needed to verbalize what was happening and part of me wanted others, who may either experience similar things themselves or have loved one’s whom they see experiencing them, to know that they are not alone.
The good news is that I did manage to survive the night and to do so without inflicting too much harm to myself or anyone else. I confined myself to my bed and refused to allow myself out of it regardless of the temptations and the irrational thoughts etc. Actually, whilst not being entirely successful and whilst there was indeed some manic pacing involved I did manage to stay within the confines of my room and indeed a lot of the time to the confines of my bed.
Unfortunately at some point during the early morning someone crept into my room and glued me to my bed and it was virtually impossible to drag myself out of it this morning. This is nothing new and happens every time I go through a manic episode like the one last night.
Regardless of the time of day that the manic episode takes place the consequence is nearly always that I expend so much mental energy during them that I am forced to my bed to rest afterwards. Once in bed there I stay and there I have to stay until I re-charge so to speak. I call these the Crazy Glue moments.
Of course Crazy Glue moments don’t ensure sleep moments. Sleep and I have a strange relationship as many of you will know. Somewhere in my past I must have done something to really upset sleep and since then it refuses to spend very much time with me at all.
No, very often theses Crazy Glue moments simply place me in a captive state where I am left with very few diversions from the internal dialogues that often go on at these times and indeed very much during times of my mania. Way back in April of 2009 I wrote a post on these dialogues and if anyone is interested or think they may experience similar things you can find that post by clicking here “The Dialogue of Me, Myselfs, and I” or by clicking on the Contents Page and finding it in the list of contents.
Thankfully these Crazy Glue moments don’t usually last for more between a few and several hours and whilst I may still be a little manic, the level of mania does subside a little during them. The Crazy Glue eventually wears off and I can drag myself out of my bed and reward myself with a much welcomed cup of coffee and also provide myself with some diversion from those dialogues. Thus I can attempt at having an almost normal day – albeit one that is struggled through as a result of still being totally drained.
So that is where I am at right now. I managed to drag myself out of my bed, get dressed, make a coffee and get to my desk here in my study. I am so very tempted to go straight back to bed but instead will simply make sure that I do my best to rest (not sure relaxing is even possible at the moment) when I need to today. I did however, want to take a moment to ensure folk that I am ok and to thank those who were kind enough to contact me and offer words of encouragement.