[Whilst doing a little in-blog housekeeping I came across a draft that I had started some time back and not finished and so I thought I would finish and publish it now….]
“If a mind can be damaged, it can be healed. If you don’t believe that then you aren’t really a doctor at all. Doctor Hill”
It is a quote (or at least my memory of a quote) from an episode of Wire In the Blood – an English Crime Drama series. A dear friend very kindly sent me a boxed set of them and I have taken to watching them lately. Which might or might not be such a good thing since they can be a little gruesome and indeed psychologically disturbing and since I tend to watch them at night whilst in bed just before trying to sleep.
The quote or at least the statement or rather the implied belief behind i,t really struck me for some reason. My mind does that. Things seems to strike me and stay with me and I focus on them for ages seemingly unable to let them go.
“If a mind can be damaged, it can be healed. If you don’t believe that then you aren’t really a doctor at all. Doctor Hill””
I guess I struggle with this somehow. Do I truly believe the first part of that statement? Do you?
I recall watching a restoration show or some other such documentary on television and a lady brought a vase to an expert restorer. It was a precious vase and one that had been dropped onto a fireplace hearth and smashed into lots and lots of pieces. The lady’s hope? That the vase could be lovingly restored. The expert restorer’s response? “I am so sorry, it is just beyond repair. It is just too damaged.”
Does this apply to my mind? Is my mind that precious vase – the holder of so many things; information, knowledge, functionality processes, memories, hopes and ambitions? Was it at some point dropped onto the harsh cold hearth of mental-illness smashing it into lots and lots of pieces? (I glance at the logo I used for this blog and wonder). Is my mind simply too damaged? Simply beyond repair?
Clearly it still functions in many ways. Clearly I can still do many things despite that damage. Perhaps it didn’t smash into thousands of pieces? Perhaps only a part of it smashed into thousands of pieces thus leaving a gaping hole? Perhaps that explains both the memory losses – stuff falling out of the hole, and indeed the way things get locked into my thoughts – caught on the jagged edges if you will.
You see I have an extremely logical brain – and one that struggles with the first part of our original statement, “If a mind can be damaged, it can be healed...”
See according to my extremely logical brain I experience no difficulty fully accepting the “natural” conclusion that something can indeed be damaged to such an extent that it is beyond repair.
But then again (as logical as I am) I am also a Christian and my contemplations and indeed my terms of reference and also my terms of experience are not limited just to the “natural” world but also the supernatural and/or the spiritual. Hence the inverted commas around the words “natural” in my above statement. So whilst I fully accept that something can be damaged beyond “natural” repair I cannot rule our and indeed I welcome the possibility of a supernatural repair.
Actually isn’t it true that so many of us think along the same lines – even if we have no real personal faith or have not considered it in such detail or in this way? How many times have you heard a doctor or some other person make a statement like, “I am afraid there is nothing more we can do. Short of a miracle it is useless.”
And where do you sit in respect of this question? Do you believe the statement, “If a mind can be damaged, it can be healed.“? Or do you think that once a mind is damaged it is beyond repair? Or are you like me and believe that actually there does come a point where the damage is too great for there to be any possibility of a natural repair and thus only a supernatural repair is possible? And of course I have to ask the question therefore, where does that leave you in respect of your personal faith?
After all, if you believe that only a supernatural or spiritual repair is possible in some situations, wouldn’t it seem prudent to consider the supernatural or spiritual now whilst you still can? I ask this because I know how hopeless and empty my life and future would be if I were not to have a personal faith in and relationship with Christ.
But I digress…
The truth is that I fully accept that my mind is damaged and needs restoring. Likewise the truth is that I were I to have to come to a decision between declaring my mind “completely shattered” or “cracked and broken in parts” I would have to choose the latter. I am of course extremely thankful for this. But my worry is that this is just the start.
Just like a cracked pot or vase which to some extent suffers from the risk of further damage as a result of its integrity having gone as a result of the damage, I cannot help worrying that the damage to my mind is also going to increase.
If you watch restoration shows you will know that actually the truth is that the pot or vase is never as good as it was to begin with. It looses it’s value, worth and indeed it’s ring and often it is simply being held together with glue and with missing or too badly damaged bits being replaced by fake or substitute pieces which are inserted and then carefully painted in order to fill the gaps.
Is this what the medication I am instructed to take is doing? Is this the function that therapy performs? Simply gluing my mind back together simply filling in the gaps with feeble inadequate substitutes? Hoping that it all doesn’t crumble sometime in the future?
But then even if they are, is this not better that the damage and the gaping great hole?
As a Christian I believe in God and I believe in God’s word. God’s word is that I am a “New Creation” not just a restoration. I have to hold onto that promise.
I started off this post with the title “Am I A Crackpot or A Cracked Pot?” and actually I have been a little mischievous in asking that because if you study etymology as I do you may well already know that actually there is no difference between the two since they both come from the same origin.
The fact of the matter is that I am both a crackpot and a cracked pot but here’s the deal, “Whether this side of eternity or the next I do know that supernatural healing will come and I do know that I have a loving heavenly Father who is bigger than all of my mental health issues and all of yours and all of the world’s mental health issues put together. And on that I stand.