Bipolar Disorder, Christianity, Christianity and Depression, Christianity and Mental Health, Chronic Fatigue, CFS, CFIDS, & M.E., Depression, Mental Health, Mental Illness, Paranoid Schizophrenia, Personal Journal, Self-Doubt
LOL. No I am not presuming the time of day that you are reading this post nor am announcing the time of day that I am writing it, since actually it is early evening here and I am abut to go out. What I am actually doing, if honest is being slightly lazy and slightly upbeat in choosing this title for this post and what I actually mean by it is “It was a good afternoon.”
In case you haven’t noticed tend to choose quirky sometimes off the wall headings for my posts so please forgive me this little quirkiness.
This morning I awoke still in the same mood and indeed still feeling as I did last night and to be honest I really wasn’t sure that I wanted to brave getting out of bed. Part of the reason for this is the cold admittedly as I am being extremely frugal with my heating but the main reason was my mindset and the way I felt physically.
Despite these I determined that I would indeed get out of bed. Firstly because it was possible that I would receive a delivery this morning – I had ordered stuff for my Android (the poor man’s Ipad) and a friend had ordered me some DVDs either or which could have arrived today, and secondly because I had been invited out for lunch today.
Being invited out is of course a very pleasant thing but I have to confess that for me today it was not a pleasant thing at all as it simply added to the conflict I wrote about in my post “Solitary or Social or both?” I really didn’t want to face it and this is no reflection on either the folk who had invited me or the other folk who would be there as both couples are very close friends and I really do enjoy their company.
Actually getting up was a good decision as I did indeed receive a delivery – the DVDs which I was delighted about. One was “Kung Fu Panda” and the other was “The Definitive Stephen Fry Collection”.
Yes I know, you could hardly get DVDs that are more different and I would like it placed on record that there is no way that I would have ordered or bought “Kung Fu Panda” for myself. [However I will be watching it and probably will enjoy it] Hm did I really type that last bit for all to see?
In respect of the Stephen Fry collection, I have already stated quite clearly that whilst I do not share either his sexual persuasion (I really dislike that expression) or his beliefs in terms of faith and God, I do respect Stephen’s intellect and indeed much of his work. And what is really good is that included in this collection are a DVD on the Guttenberg Press which interests me greatly and which I haven’t seen and a DVD showing a documentary he did on “The Secret Life of a Manic Depressive” which I have seen but would very much like to see again.
So I was very pleased that I did get up this morning and was therefore able to take delivery of these DVDs.
I also decided that despite the way I was feeling I would push through it all and go to lunch with these friends. As I mentioned before, these are two couples who close friends from my old church. Or more accurately two couples who are close friends that I met at my old church since only one of the couples still go to that church. The other couple, like me, having left the church where we all met.
Actually, I really enjoyed the afternoon and had a wonderful lunch and really enjoyable conversations and thankfully none of the old issues about our previous church came up in the conversation. God is good! So the decision to go was a good one and I am very happy about that.
Getting home this afternoon, and having learned from the success of actually going out despite how I was feeling, I decided to do something totally radical and to shave ad get dressed up for Bible Study this evening!
YAY! I hear several people shout in the vicinity of their respective computer screens. (You won’t believe how many people prefer me shaved to unshaven) [Actually I think my rebellion against this move to encourage me to be clean shaven is as big a part of my not shaving as my just not being bothered about shaving. But don’t tell anyone as I will get into trouble for being rebellious.]
So this evening I am off to Bible Study despite the way that I am feeling and I am looking forward to it as much as I am apprehensive about it. My biggest concern is the headaches that I am getting as a result of having to focus but I am praying about this and am hoping that I will be able to enjoy the evening without any headaches or at last with only a small headache. I will settle for either at this point.
Another thing that I am apprehensive about is people seeing me when I am not at my best. This is a very new group of people for me and they haven’t seen me when I am in a bad way and even though I have been in much worse states than I am at the moment, and even though they have already proven themselves to be very loving and caring and understanding I cannot begin to express how apprehensive I am about it all.
Regardless of this I am still going to go and I am just going to leave it in God’s hands.
I have to leave now but will right and let you know how it all went.