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For some reason my brain keeps going back to the conversation that I had with the consultant at the hospital a few days back and how bad my health really is.

It is so hard when you are faced with a doom and gloom prognosis and I know that this has really impacted me.

I am doing all that I can in order to stay active and motivated despite my health at the moment and am trying to walk as much as I can.

I have walked virtually every day over the past few days and I am hoping that this at least is doing something towards my really poor health and my weight.

I try to fight the fear with rational logical thoughts such as, “hey there are folk much worse off than you and they survive” or “hey you have come this far I am sure you will carry on for years yet” but the niggly voices are at me all the time.

Voices sayhing you aren’t going to last a week or a month or a year. Voices saying,”you won’t see your next birthday” or “you will never meet the people you love the most”

In truth I have a very strong faith and I have no worries about where I am going whe I die.  I will be with my Father in heaven and this will be awesome.  It is the leaving here that worries me and the things I will never get to do.

But then that is the nature of the voices isn’t it?  They hit you where you are most vulnerable and because they are inside you they know just where that is.

But God is bigger than them isn’t He.  God is a loving heavenly Father who desires to be my protector my helper and my Father and I trust in Him.  I keep motivated because I have to but more importantly because to not keep motivated would be to buy into the lie and to deny God my Father.