Sunday morning and I got up feeling reasonably ok but certain that something was wrong.
I have developed or rather grown into a new routine which is that every morning I get up wash dress and then go put my phone on charge (it’s cordless) and then I go into the kitchen make a cappuccino and then take the dog out in the garden whilst I have a smoke.
When moving into the new house we decided to make it a no smoking house and this way it cuts down how much I smoke and keeps it much fresher and nicer for any guests that come round.
There was men’s prayer breakfast this morning and I actually went to it but then just towards the end it hit me again and all of my energy just immediately drained out of my body and I became so desperately tired again.
I can’t begin to explain this feeling or even how much of an affect it has on me. It is such a debilitating thing and really frustrates me as I know that the whole day is going to be difficult and that all of the things that I wanted to do today I will not be able to get done.
In truth I know that the confrontations that I had yesterday really wiped me out. They always do and they impact me so heavily both mentally and physically. But if it means that I can bring about some healing I would go gladly go through it every day.
I am trying so very hard not to let this get my mental health down but it is so hard. I am walking around like a zombie and I really dislike that. The slightest movement is a complete effort and takes so much out of me. I am faced with a choice here. Get into bed and stay there or simply press through the pain and fatigue.
In truth I do not understand why I am like this or why it has not been healed or taken from me but you know the other side of it all is that I know that God is a good and loving God and that He has a purpose for all things and will make good to come out of everything.
I need to pray and to stay fairly positive and not let the negativity overwhelm me.